. . . all stress was caused by one thing? Specifically the kind of stress that eats away at our bodies the way a faulty fire sprinkler system would rot a building from the inside out. You know, the unhealthy stress. The kind that shows up when you are in a rage or scared silly. That fight or flight response. It appears when that crazy driver cuts you off or when your co-worker takes your ideas or you think a perfect stranger is thinking negatively about you. When the dog chews your favorite shoe or when you have to give a big presentation in front of a large group. Did you know that the number two fear behind fear of spiders is the fear of being evaluated negatively in social situations? Seriously? The number two fear is that someone (who we may not even know) might think something negatively about us. I can feel some of you shaking at the thought! And that's the point. You just had a thought and it sent you reptilian. Into fight or flight. It's just a thought. About something you have absolutely no control over. Other people's judgment. The response is automatic. You feel threatened, you react.
So what's the one thing I believe causes stress? Wanting a situation to be different than what it is. Some idiot cut you off, your shoe is trashed and your co-worker is ruthless, you think someone is thinking negatively about you. It's done, it happened, there is no turning back. What if you could just say so what? And not the kind of defensive so what we said when we were kids. A neutral so what. Or some other neutral response. But that's not what human's do. No way. Human's have to find other humans to complain to about how mad they are at that crazy driver or the lazy co-worker who can't come up with his own ideas. Give a human an ear and we'll tell you just how wronged we are and that whatever happened shouldn't have. Think about it. There is no such thing as it shouldn't have happened. It already did! If I had a dollar for every hour I spent complaining to another poor soul about how wronged I was and how screwed up the other guy is. . . suffice it to say I've wasted a bit of time and energy.
But, I've learned a trick that has reduced my stress level by at least 80%. Acceptance. I know, I talked about it last blog, but it's not as simple as it sounds. It's a new habit that is contrary to how our human brains work. Especially the left side that looks for what's wrong or right, good or bad, black or white. So how do you develop the habit of acceptance? Every time you feel that icky stress (fight or flight) notice it. Say, "there's that feeling." I either want to hit something or run. Then, ask a question like "is there anything I can do to affect this situation?" if the answer is yes, determine what the action is and do it or commit to doing it as soon as it makes sense. If the answer is no, well, can you see how futile it is to give it any more attention? Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. . .
Of course, if you love drama, it will certainly feed the drama and you can draw lots of other people in to your drama, but is that really who you want to be? What if you just let it be?
Think about it. Try it. Make it a practice. See how much lighter you feel and smoother your day goes. Seriously you will be shocked at how much more time and energy are available to you for the things that really matter!
Next blog: Guilt Free Fun and Leisure!
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